The Comprehension of it all…

I looked at my website. The one that I promised myself I would write on at least once a week.. you know.. this one. And then I realized I haven’t written a single word since October when I introduced myself. At first I was really angry with myself, but I let the go. I think. I am frustrated that I keep promises to everyone else, but fail to treat myself the same way. For whatever reason, I believe that everybody else deserves my word, and my time, but I shouldn’t have any for myself. And I know it is a problem. But I am not quite sure how to get over it.

At least I will give a short update on the past 6 months of my life. We moved from the coast back to the outskirts of Portland. I am still pregnant… but hopefully only for a couple more weeks. I had to start maternity leave early because this has been a very painful and frustrating pregnancy, but little rat inside me is very active and sounds good and looks good according to the ultrasounds. The lack of employment has led my to alternative means of funding. That sound ominous, right? It isn’t. I promise. Hubby and I have started selling some Magic: The Gathering cards again and he is trying out this whole streaming live thing on Twitch. Today is his first day doing that. I told him it will take time and dedication to build, but I think that’s what he has me for. One thing I am good at is telling other people what they need to do to be successful… again, I don’t heed my own advice.

There are a couple things I am doing more for myself though. I am drawing more. I like the idea of painting, but I am not a fan of the messiness of it, especially already having two littles. When I get inspired to paint, it is fleeting because I think about how I need to set up the canvas, and dig out the paints, and the water for the brushes, and where can I put everything out of reach for smaller versions of myself, and at about this point, I just say “screw it.” So, I found a medium I really enjoy, and that is oil pastels. They are fun and blend well and clean up quickly, and if my children feel inspired to draw too.. they look enough like crayons that I don’t have to share the pastels, and everybody wins. I am starting to grow quite a collection of drawings and doodlings on my refrigerator, and that makes me really happy.

The other thing I am trying to do more of is this.. writing. I enjoy it. Some people even say I am good at it, but finding the inspiration to do it can be lackluster at best sometimes. But I am trying to push myself beyond that. I entered a short story into a contest. Even if nothing comes of that, I am proud of myself for dedicating myself to do it. It was a 24 hour contest. They give you a prompt, a maximum number of words, and you have 24 hours to write and submit it. I really enjoyed it. I don’t know how creative my idea was, but I liked what I wrote. And sometimes I think that is just as important , if not more so, than what somebody else thinks about my writing. I am looking at other contests to enter, just to get some creative juices flowing. I have a horrible time coming up with ideas. But then I look around at my actual life, and think, “Hey, some of the things you are dealing with and have dealt with, are much stranger and more entertaining than a great deal of fiction.”

And maybe, just maybe, I will write more on my website. Because sometimes, it just feels good to get everything out. More posts to follow.. I promise.

Welcome.

Welcome to my land. I am Scarlett.  I am beginning this blog as a way to express myself in all avenues. I have overcome a great deal, but there are still battles and struggles that I am going through daily. Sometimes, I don’t think we are aware of how broken we are until we start fixing ourselves. But, I am working on the happiness and gratefulness and positivism that we are all told we should have and embrace. A quick snapshot of me –

I am :

  • a mother
  • a wife
  • an employee
  • a student
  • 36
  • pregnant
  • bi-polar
  • battling PTSD
  • working with “some kind” of autoimmune disease
  • a resident of Oregon, the Pacific Wonderland.

There are several facets that make me, me. Just like there are several facets to any human being. I don’t consider any of these things to make me special, but it is important for you to know who I am. It might help in later stories should you decide to wander into my mind and read. I hope you do. I hope you laugh, cry, shake your head, or nod furiously. I hope you engage yourself because I am jumping into this land of blogging to engage myself. Welcome to my journey.